At work at Woodloch it's almost 6am. I woke up @3, not sure why just waiting for news now. A walk is calling me but I wonder if I will go. 13 years ago as I was having a second childhood my mom got sick. We had limited time and I wasted a lot. I wish everything else would have stopped so we could have played more. More scrabble, hikes, hot tea and smokies. I miss laughing with you. Your smile, your heart and spirit. I miss you always having my back and being the biggest in my corner. I miss you always believing in me, and cheering me up while cheering me on. I have a bad habit of taking people for granted, taking my life for granted really. But if I ever had a regret it would be if you didn't know what a wonderful loving attentive and fun Mom you were. It's been almost 10 years since I got one more day with my Dad. He made me eggs and toast and we had coffee. We talked and caught up for hours. And it made me smile, like I got to dance on daddy's feet again. I hope you know Dad how safe I felt with you, and how bad I needed refuge right then. Thanks for not judging me and for understanding me always. I am sorry if you ever felt that your faults ruined my life. My family never felt broken, you should have known that. Knowing my mother, loving my mother. I am sure you would have been there for her had you known. I imagine you would've been there holding her close like I did in the end. Whispering to her that she could do it, and how it's okay to let go. It's sad, but not really because I got to know you both as my parents, love you endlessly and now miss you endlessly.
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