Today is 3-28-22, I believe 15 years after my mother's passing, to the day. I woke at 2:30 after falling asleep at 8, working and drinking as usual. At 5:55 I noticed it was exact as if that matters eternity can shatter in a moment.
Matthew and I talked about Acacia a lot, and Jennifer, <Jenny> and her laugh, their laugh. And I thought it's not as much her fault it's her genes. And nature vs nurture blah blah blah. We can meet the right people at the right time and fix our childhood wounds, and make a family. And be whole because that's my story.
But I am talking to Taylor and I have had a few beers and he says to me condescendingly that I am drunk. He can tell by my laugh, go fuck me it's the lineage laugh, and also because if I am drunk because I laughed it's alone in my room getting ready for bed getting ready for work tomorrow because all I do is work for the next day. But drunk as I maybe I get up and do it tomorrow for us to live, for food, and medicine.
And I miss my kids growing up. And I miss my mom and my friends and life. I want to travel around in a skoolie for retirement and I am sorry that sounds stupid when we should be investing in the market sorry but go fuck yourself 'who are you fucking Rockefeller!'
I am tired and hungry but now I am angry too so now I feel less hungry and tired but thirsty for more beer. Fuck me too
