I think it was all premeditated from luring me to visit, using objects so even if I got tested, rape kit, no DNA which is why the universe protected me with blackout of most of the event. Talking to your friend while it was happening and probably taping it to relive and laugh at my pain and vulnerability later.
Discussing the turkey baster idea with him on the phone and me hearing it All. Begging your other friend to let me go or help me. Trying to appear human. You telling him to keep me warm while you go get it, me crawling away weakly thinking I could hide on a beach. HIM WEAK AS FUCK WATCHING IT ALL. NOT ENJOYING IT LIKE YOU AND SHAWN. WATCHING ME CRAWL AWAY.
Helpless. Crying and pleading. Threatening you with my husband and my dad and my brothers....My dad would have killed you or had you killed. Snot and not being able to move my mouth, it was whimpers and whispers begging to be let go but I was trying to scream. I am sure it was pitiful or sad, funny to you. As you still can watch it even now. Telling me it wasn't rape and me saying no please don't the whole time.
I didn't put myself in that position. I was interested in you, I didn't know this would happen. I thought I was equal and could take care of myself and I was wrong. But wasn't what I was wearing or who I am that got me raped. It wasn't that I was asking for it or you wouldn't have had to drug me.
You are predators. You saw vulnerability and used it. I am human but I am a woman an in all my essence was duped and weak. Jumped out of the fire and into a frying pan. Wished the same man I ran away from because I felt bullied was there to witness and protect me because he is a way better man than you could aspire to be with the skeletons in your closet. He would have fought you off of me with everything in him.
I know it was a pattern and I wasn't the first or last. You knew the system and it protected men like you with he said she said laws. And father rights for a poor black man but I SEE YOU. FAKE AS FUCK RAPIST. STILL VICTIM BLAMING. WAKE UP.
